Category: Infertility


I can do it!

I have spent the last couple weeks trying to make myself go out and buy something for the many people who are having babies this year (actually, only 3, and my best friends 4 year old), but I haven’t succeeded.

I have gone out to the store, I have started looking through the baby section, but then I turn a corner and I see some woman who is like 8 months pregnant with the little wand registering for things. It makes me sad. I know that the pain will go away, but it’s still forefront on my mind and heart right now.

But today, I was able to go and look at things without breaking down and crying. It took a long time (almost 2 months), but I was able to do it.

D and I have discussed that this is probably one good thing about being in Texas. I know it isn’t very nice, but it’s something that we have come to realize. We are grateful we are in Texas because we are not inundated with all of the pregnant family and friends. We will be able to face it at a later date and time, but right now, it’s too raw and sore.

Here we are sitting at just over two weeks and we are still waiting on our genetics test results. The doctor told us that it would take about two weeks, but we needed to wait until three weeks before calling the office. How I am wishing right now that he would have just said it would take three weeks. I have done a lot trying to keep my mind off the waiting, but other than putting myself in a movie coma, it isn’t working. It probably doesn’t help that I am very open at work with what I am going through, so many of the women I work with keep asking me if I have heard back yet.

Infertility has been really hard for both of us, and I understand that it is much harder for D, but it is hard for me as I go to work every day and see these little children (our buses carry our pre-k to school, so there are at least two 3-4 year olds on each bus). It is ridiculously hard to make myself go to work sometimes. I have put in so many extra hours lately to help with the bills and what not and also to keep my mind off it. But it’s hard.

I think it is ridiculous that it costs so much to try to have a baby or going for adoption. Why?? I read online the other day about how they did IVF for an animal somewhere in the South. Now who paid for that? Why are they doing it for animals, but not making it cheaper for couples? Gah! I guess it’s just a rant day for me.

I have found a few websites that I enjoy and they help me laugh at this whole infertility crap. The main one is this one. I haven’t gotten very far, but I have been enjoying what I have read and it is totally making sense to me. I know that even though we have only begun our IF journey, we still have a long way to go.

Here’s hoping for good news in less than 5 days!

Hey Y’all!

I know that it’s a couple months late, but Happy New Year!

We have had quite a down year so far, but hopefully things will start looking up soon. We wanted to share with y’all what we are going through since I know that some are wondering if we are okay. And in short, we are okay, coping with infertility, but okay.

If you want to know more, feel free to read on, but it is all the information we have right now. That means all the diagnoses and what we think we are going to have to do. I need somewhere to be able to write about it and since some are interested in how we are doing, this will be it. Welcome aboard our journey if you decide to join us!

~D&S
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Our story started just before the new year when we found out that we are unable to conceive children naturally. This is a huge blow to us as we have always wanted to have children. We took it really hard, but we are going through a bunch of testing to figure out what is wrong and what we can do about it if anything. Darrell has been diagnosed with primary testicular failure (PTF) which means azoospermia (no sperm). I have been diagnosed with low hormone counts and I have a small cyst on my left ovary.

Every doctor we have been to in Abilene has said that we are infertile and our only option is to adopt. It’s not that we don’t want to adopt, but we want to know exactly what is wrong and if there is any possibility whatsoever. They don’t seem to want to go through anything more than just generalizing what Darrell has and calling it good at that. We weren’t happy with that answer, so we had the OB/GYN in Abilene refer us to an RE in Fort Worth.

An RE is a Reproductive Endocrinologist. They are the ones that help with In Vitro Fertilization (IVF), Intrauterine Insemination (IUI) and all the other treatments that go along with that. We had our first appointment with the RE today. The RE has made things seem a little brighter than the rest of the doctors. He said that PTF is a generalized term, and there are dozens of reasons for that term. He said that about 40-50% of men who are diagnosed with PTF have gone on to have children through IVF. And he said that the cyst on my left ovary is really small, so not a big deal. This makes us hopeful.

Right now we have to go through genetic testing to see why his FSH (follicle stimulating hormone) and LH (luteinizing hormone) are high. There are a couple reasons, and after we get back his genetic results, that will tell us whether he should go see another urologist and see what the possibility is of aspirating some sperm from the testes. If the urologist gives us a go ahead, then we start an IVF treatment and see what happens. But that is getting ahead of ourselves.

On top of all of this, we found out that our insurance only covers up to the diagnosis of infertility. They don’t cover any of the actual treatments of infertility. Which sucks a bit since that means if we want to go ahead with the IVF treatment, it is probably going to cost us upwards of $11K to be paid in four short weeks. Geeze! But the insurance lady at the Fertility clinic said that it isn’t exactly the insurance. It is the company who pays for the insurance and what they are willing to put on the insurance. So we just have to suck it up if we want to do it. That’s a little stressful, but we think it’ll be worth it in the long run (at least that is what we are saying now).

This was a long one, but it’s our story. Take from it what you will. I will try to update as we know more, but we have a two week wait until we hear back from the genetics and move on to the next stage, whatever that will be.

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